Who The Hell Died And Made "THEY" King?

You know,

I am one of the most cool, calm, and collected people that you will ever meet. I am rarely pushed to the point of pissedtivity. However, the ironic thing about that, is that I get sooooo frustrated over little things......things that no one else even thinks about.....or realizes....or cares about.
Like I wrote a blog about how I can't stand it when girls say..." And here's my thing"    It's trivial, but shit, It doesn't even make an ounce of since......It's your opinion bitch....not your thing.....guys have things.....you are special because you don't have a thing......If you no longer want to be special, then by all means, go out and get you a thing.


Well today, I am Tatering dying to know, just who in the hell is "THEY" and who in the hell made them King?

See, ......Right now, you are asking yourself the exact same question that I asked myself yesterday, which lead to this blog.
You're asking "Who is THEY"?

My question exactly. No matter how many people I ask, not a single damn one of them can tell me the answer.
And yet.......They all use "THEY" as a reference to validate whatever the Fuck (whoops, working on my potty mouth) Tater comes out of their mouths.

Let me give you some examples to help you, better understand what I mean about "THEY" and the potential consequences:

A. 

 So you and couple of buddies are hanging out at happy hour, talking about your shitty jobs, and your boring lives, when you order a Red Bull & Vodka. There is always a Pooper at every party, and the Pooper makes the comment
" You know..... "THEY" say that Red Bull & Vodka is not good for you".
(Pause..... Quiet before the storm)

Really Bitch Nice Human Being?????? Well who in the hell is "THEY"?
......You don't know?  Well before you start quoting shit, you need to know who the author is.
Cause see, Ryan say's that Red Bull & Vodka is the shit, and you know who he is?????    He's the bartender, and there ain't no expert in the world that knows more about liquor than the Bartender.
That cheap-ass, bottom shelf margarita in YO cup, is made with tequila that's "2 table spoons of water" away from being rubbing alcohol.
Don't get me started on what's not good for you.
So you can go and tell "THEY" that I said go Tater himself and the horse he rode in on.
........Hey Ryan, can I have another RBV please.......2-4-1 makes me HAPPY.




B. 

So Jack and Meehoff are co-workers chilling in the break room, having lunch. Jack starts talking about how he  would make a good boss and about how unfit of a manager Mr. Cummings is because of his poor judgments and affair with the cafeteria lady Ms. Puddings. Meehoff points out to Jack, that he(Jack) made terrible decisions as well, like the time he called in sick and got so drunk that he bought drinks at a strip club with the company credit card
.....Not to mention the affair he was having with Mr. Cummings' wife.

Then Meehoff hits Jack with ......You know, "THEY" say that  "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" ..


Who the hell is "THEY" asshole? and who the hell are you to judge me Tater face?  
I don't live in no stinking glass house.....and what's that's suppose to mean anyway. Nobody lives in a glass house. 
And if you say one word to Mr. Cummings, I'm gonna kick the shit out of you and "THEY"....whoever the Tater that is.

Now, you see what I mean? Those are just some examples of how people try to say smart things based on smart research, but the problem is, no one knows exactly where it comes from. They just heard someone else say it.....and took it as truth, without doing their own research.

That's like people who go to church and listen to what the preacher says and never questions it or read the scripture for themselves. The difference between a congregation and a cult is self research. LAZY.
 That is the part that pisses me off. So consider this another GTP PSA:

 "If you are going to use an idiom, cliche', or words of wisdom....Know where it comes, who said it, and what it means,   Or simply say what the TATER you mean, and stop trying to be so damn cute."

Don't You Just Hate It When......?

I absolutely, positively, can not stand when people do the following things.

 When people see that you enjoying your Hamburger (or other food that doesn't require utensils), and they walk up to you and try to shake your hand.


When you are in an elevator and there's a mother Tater on there who sounds like a broken radiator every time they breath. I hate that shit. Not only is that annoying, but it makes me hold my breath till one of us gets off, because I don't want to breath in anything that came out of those lungs.


When Mother Taters drive side by side on the highway with their cruise control set to the speed limit........Dammit, if your are going the same speed, then get behind him and get the fuck tater out my way.


When people greet you with "Watcha doing bub".??????   Is that a tatering question? Do you really care? Are you really wanting to know?
And what really sucks about that is when one of your superiors use it. Then you really don't know if he's wanting to know what you're working on or just saying hello.

You really didn't think I was going to put a Pic up....did you?

When people tell you BOLD FACE LIES. I mean the kind where they flat out know that they are lying and know that you are going to find out. This could be personal, business, or even strangers trying to sell you something. I hate BOLD FACE LIES.



When you pull up to the drive through at the bank and have to decide which line to get in? There are the same number of cars in each line and you want to pick the fastest one. So you stay back for a little bit and try to see which one is going to leave first........then someone else gets behind you and forces you to chose one.
And you always chose the one that takes the longest. Sitting there, still in line looking stupid while the guy who was behind you is getting his money and leaving.


When someone backs out of an obligation they had with you, and give you an excuse soooooooo lame, that it questions how low they thought your intelligence level was. I mean that shit makes you feel really bad. Not the backing out part...... but that they thought you were stupid enough to believe the excuse.


When you go to a fast food restaurant and the person taking your order acts like they have someplace better to be. Like you are inconveniencing their super important text conversation about how "Nikki dun quit KFC cause dey won't let her wear her orange extensions....So she finna go to Wendy's.......I told her.....fuck dem folks....dane talkin bout shit an way (2 snaps)"


When you make the mistake of commenting on someones Facebook post, and get 50million updates each time someone else (who you don't even know) makes comments to the same post.......UUUGGHH


When Detective White goes to McDonalds and orders a 1/3 pound super-size Angus Burger Combo w/ Fries......Chicken selects,.......2 apple pies......AND a  Fucking  Tatering   DIET COKE.
Come on Man.....Really??

Hall Pass

Once again, AJR Productions comes up with another one.

After seeing the recently released movie HALL PASS, they wanted to know if most men would actually take their wives up on the offer, and if they would actually get any play.

First off, in case you don't know what a Hall Pass is, it's an opportunity that is given to a spouse to go out and do whatever they want to do without any penalty, within a certain time span. That means he/she can have a weekend or entire week to go out and party, drink, fuck tater, and do absolutely whatever with whomever they want without any punishment or guilt.

ANOTHER NIGHT ON THE COUCH

So to the first question: would most guys take their wives up on the offer?

Let me think about that.................ummmmmmmmmmmm

....................still thinking..............................Processing .......................considering consequences of my response..............................

drinking a beer......................... now another beer...........................

Hell The Fuck Tater Yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now as to the second question: Would he actually get some play?...........Don't need to go through a ritual for this answer. Hell The Fuck Tater Naw!!!!!!! (Unless he has been cheating throughout the relationship and has a chick on the side)

When a guy gets married (really married, committed), he turns into a totally different type of person. It's like having kids (at least for the real men and fathers out there ((aint that many of them left))).

 One minute,

 you"re rolling down I-55 at 80 miles per hour, drinking a totty, bumbin some 3-6 mafia...talkin bout "whup dat trick" and "suk a nicka dick or something....eat a lil Kat or something"

And the next minute,

you're safely cruising on the back roads, with your kids strapped to a car seat, playing a DVD with a Fucked Tatered up looking cartoon character on the screen, and you are singing songs from "Yo Gabba Gabba" (if you don't know what that is...then have you some kids)

When a man gets married, he loses everything he had that made him cool.

Women do it on purpose....don't lie.

You remember when you first met him? .....How cool that mother fucker tater was?

How nicely he dressed, and the way he let you know that it was time for some "lovin" (wink wink)?

Well look at his ass now.

After years of you telling him that his outfit didn't match, or it looked tacky, because YOU didn't want other chicks scoping out ya man,

He looks like Fred Sanford.

He aint cool no more!!!!!! 

And talk about picking up a girl????   His pick up lines are more outdated than Jerry Curl Juice, dripping on the back of a Pimp with a Mink Coat on.

Think about how he lets you know that it's time for some "lovin" now............Not so sexy huh?

When married men go out into the world, they get their head blown up sooooo big, because there are all these women out there looking for a husband and not enough men to meet the high demand. Therefore, men start to imagine how much ass they could be getting if they weren't married (mostly because they ain't gettin that much at the house....hint, hint).

The truth is, when a single woman sees a man with a ring on, it lets her know that he isn't a complete dead beat. Someone (you) has already validated him. Therefore he must be a good one.

If you give your man a Hall Pass, he takes the ring off and is no longer validated. He becomes just another guy trying to get the Nah Nah.

When that happens, he will be judged by his looks, charm, sexiness, and coolness....you know, the same standards as the rest of the guys out there.

But as we have discussed earlier.....(hello!!!!)He doesn't have any of those things anymore (thanks to your perfectly designed tactics.....bravo ladies.....bravo)

Imagine if you are a single lady....and Fred Sanford walks up to you and says...."Damn baby, I know yo feet must be tired......cause you been running through my mind all day".

I rest my case.

So to all the ladies out there, If your man wants a Hall Pass and he hasn't been cheating on you the entire relationship....Give it to him.

You will be happy you did.

1. He won't get any

2. He will come running back sooner than you think

3. He will realize how lucky he is that YOU are with his lame ass

4. He won't be asking for any more Hall Passes

5. He will probably realize how easy it is for women to get men and never give you a Hall Pass

Never mind #5, I guess that probably isn't a good thing for you huh?

Men are primitive creatures, and like a good dog.....they always come back home.

Train him right......Feed him good...... and you will never have anything to worry about.

The best leash is the one that you can't see.

The Yellow Brick Road

The journey of a million miles begins with one simple step. It is the destination that dictates our direction. Once your coordinates have been set, then the only thing left to do is walk.

 I was told to follow the yellow brick road. That it would lead me to a place called the Emerald City, and there, is where I would find all of the answers to everything I ever wanted to know. What they did not tell me, was that the bricks on the road, are not always yellow. They did not tell me that the road had bridges either. Like any and all other bridges, without proper maintenance, they deteriorate and collapse. The road to the Emerald City is filled with fragile and broken bridges. It seems that everyone wants to use the yellow brick road, but no one wants to maintain it.

I have often seen this place in my dreams, and on a few occasions, actually got to meet the wizard. One time, he told me a secret about the yellow brick road and it made me laugh. Not just giggle, I mean rolling on the floor laughing. I wish I could share it, but I promised not to. You are sooooo going to laugh when you learn it. Have fun on the yellow brick road. 

Dear Momma

Behind every good man, there is a great woman.....

A saying with more truth to it does not exist. But before a man can ever be great, he must first be created. It is only by the grace of God and the portal of a woman, that creation can occur.

It is for this reason that I can say without a single drop of doubt that " before every good man, there was a greater woman.

In a world viewed through my extremely biased eyes, there has been very few men created greater than I....(yeah,  I said it) Therefore, there could only have been even fewer women greater than my creator....My Mom.


It is with the highest degree of love, respect, and thanks, that I share this tribute of the greatest woman to walk the face of the earth since Eve. This poem is dedicated to my magnificent mother.

Enjoy.

Like potted plants, enriched with love, I have risen like no other,
above the grass, to uncharted paths,
trying to be just like my mother,

Just as Theodore Rose....you chose, to speak softly and carry a big stick.
Not once did you raise your voice at us,
Not once did you throw a mad fit,

I've never got the chance to say, how much I appreciate,
The way you allowed me to make bad choices,
And learn from my own mistakes,

You've been my rock through stormy weather, my shade, in sweltering days,
The Alpha, to the "Enforcer Omega"Ω
The lighter fluid on the trails that I blaze,

So on this day, of maternal thanks, I hope this will leave you with smiles,
Know that I love you, and miss you each day,
though we'er separated by 5,362 miles.


I LOVE YOU MOM.......HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.


Goldeneye aka Che' Che' ake Semsem aka   heeeyyyyyy sugar

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Mr. William Earnest Henley wrote the words


"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul."

Taken from his poem "Invictus", Mr. Henley reminds us that no matter how desperate and impossible a situation my appear, if you look deep within yourself, God has given you everything you need to overcome that obstacle.

All you need have is FAITH.

Which leads me into my topic for today.....Are you afraid of the dark?

I sat in my apartment this weekend, and watched as the sun slowly disappeared beneath the tree line in front of my building. 

With all of the lights off at the time, the sun light was more than enough to brighten the entire room. Around 7:45ish, the sun was almost gone but I could still see everything in my living room, clear as day.

By 8:00, there was no sun, no light,.....nothing, but I could still see everything in my living room. 

I felt safe, secure, and comforted by the darkness. I used to not feel that way.

I started to reminisce about the days when I was a kid, and how I was so afraid of the dark.

The shadows in the room looked like gigantic monsters about to devour me at any second.

 Every noise sounded like the devil was coming to get me for stealing that ButterFingers from Kroger, and I didn't know if that hand on my ankle was my brother fucking tatering with me again, or the Real Boogie Man this time. Either way, I was probably about to piss my pants.

Mom told me that there was no Boogie Man, there were no monsters, and she had already beat the shit out of me for taking that ButterFingers from Kroger, so I had nothing else to fear in the dark.

I trusted mom, ....So why was I still afraid of the dark?

It took me years to realize that only thing that separated people who were afraid of the dark, from people who weren't was FAITH.

When you have faith, you know that nothing is going to happen to you because you are protected. Weather it's God, or your mother, you know that they aren't going to let anything happen to you. Otherwise, they would never have put you in the dark.

So back to the present day........back to my dark living room.

I finally saw things sooooo clear. I realized that there is no "darkness", there is only a dimmer bright.....

Darkness = without light

Technically, there is no such thing as without light. Everything has light, some things just need super technology to see it.

When you let your eyes slowly get adjusted to dimming light, you can see everything. It is only when someone turns the lights off without warning that you can't see without them.

So if you are in a dark place right now, just close your eyes for 30 seconds and let them get adjusted to the blackness, and when you re-open them, you will finally see as clear as day.

As for me,....I no longer fear the darkness,.....I embrace it.

The darkness fears me, for the darkness can not destroy me. All I need do, to destroy the darkness, is to flip the light switch to "on".

GTP- 2's

Battle Field

The stage is set.....You can smell it in the air.

Something is coming.....
The streets are empty, churches have shut their doors, and even the Shake Junt is closed.
It must be something big.

Silence like this can only mean one thing......It's a battle coming, and it's coming pretty fast.

In times of war there are only two options....
1. Join THIS side
or
2. Join THAT side

There is no standing in between. Not unless you much rather chose death over choosing sides.
When you stand in the middle you have 2 enemies instead of 1.
So even though you have ties with THIS side, as long as you haven't joined them in the fight, you are a possible liability, and therefore need to be eliminated. They don't know if you are friend or Foe.

The same is true if you have ties with THAT side. Although you may still be friends with them, without your pledge of allegiance, you pose a serious threat to them because you wear a different uniform than they.
 THERE IS NO NEUTRAL GROUND 

You either fight or die.

So who's side do you choose? Do you choose the side that you like the best? OR Do you choose the side that has the best chances of winning?

How you answer that questions speaks volumes about the MAN or WOMAN you are.
It reveals if you are a loyal friend or an selfish opportunist who is always looking out for #1..Your fucking Tatering self.

The is a war coming people, and you better start thinking about which side you're on....
Because THERE IS NO NEUTRAL GROUND.

The Truth Can Set You Free

Have you ever wondered why people confess?
Regardless of who they confess to,(parent, partner, preacher, or police) it's all for the same reason.


You might think that someone is an honest, good-hearted person, who has decided to stand up and accept responsiblity for a wrong that they've done, but that is incorrect. 
The truth of the matter is, that people no longer want to carry the burden of guilt within themselves. 
Guilt, is like a tiny pebble falling on a persons spirit. The length of time that a person carries that guilt, is equivalent to the height from which the pebble is dropped above your spirit. The higher up the level from which the pebble drops, the harder it lands on the spirit.


You ever had a secret that weighed you down? Remember the feeling you had the day you finally told someone your secret? That's the feeling of freedom. Thats why they say "the truth shall set you free".......even though in actuality, it will probably get your ass locked in jail, so you exchange the freedom of you conscious for the freedom of you body.

"Iron Free" My Ass

I woke up this morning at a very specific time, in order to be at a very specific place, at a very specific moment. In order to stay on schedule, I always dream about what I am going to wear the next day, while I sleep the night before (I know that sounds weird, but whenever I pick out my clothes the night before, I always change my mind in the morning, so it is a waste of time to do it the night before).

I planned on wearing my black suit, with the baby blue shirt and tie combo.
So when I awoke, I went to the closet and pulled out the outfit, and that's where things began to go bad. I noticed that my "No Iron" shirt, was wrinkled as hell.

I was pissed, b/c it wasn't wrinkled in my dream and I didn't have time to iron it. So rather than be on time with a different outfit, I decided to iron the damn "No Iron" shirt and be late.

I know what you're thinking.....why didn't I just pick a different outfit?
Well, I am the most indecisive person when it comes to picking out clothes (that's why I have to dream about it the night before). Picking an alternate combo would have taken at least 30 mins, and that doesn't include putting it on.

So to you bitch ass, lying, dress shirt company's who falsely claim that your shirt is "Iron Free", "No Iron", or "Wrinkle Free".......and it isn't......

SAUCE YOU !!!!!!!!!

I Bet You Won't

Let me take you back for a moment.

Remember back in grade school when a group of kids would dare you to do something stupid? All it took was a "I dare you".......then an.. "I double dog dare you".....then comes the big "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU".
Now, who in the hell can turn down a TRIPLE????

Well, now lets fast forward to the present "Adult Life" you live today. Have you ever wanted or needed to do something, but were too afraid to?
Well, I'm here to say to you......."I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU"

Go ahead, pussy. I bet you won't do it.
There are times in life when you need someone to stand beside you and hold your hand......and then there are times when you need someone to stand behind you and push you into the water. It could save your life.

So I am here, to give you all out there a love-shove.
If you are on the fence about a job change, get off and make a choice.

If you aren't happy with your life, then do something different.
If you only have one life to live, then why would you spend the majority of it wondering what you want to do?

I say "Fuck that".

If you don't seize the day, then the day is forever lost, because tomorrow will always become today, but yesterday will never be anything other than yesterday.

Someone once told me about my job, that is true in life......"Make a decision....it doesn't matter if it's a good one, or a bad one.....Just make a decision. The worst thing you can ever do is NOTHING".

So I leave you with that.
I pray that I have inspired someone to do something good in their life today.

Love, peace, and KFC chicken grease.

GTP..... Downstairs