30ish and Single???? 2 Good 2B True or RED Flag?

I had the opportunity to see some of my old friends from college this past weekend and we got a chance to catch up on life.
I was surprised to learn that more than a few of them were still single. My brother is single, my cousin is single, my uncle is single, my frat brothers are single ......damn, I realized that there are a lot of people who are 30ish and still single.
We sat around and talked about if being single at our age is a rare find and to good to be true, or a RED flag that screams "Run N***, ...Run".

The majority of them wondered if women went through the same thought process that men did when they met a 30ish single person of the opposite sex.

The first thing a man thinks about when he meets a single woman in her 30's is.....
"damn, she fine.....Why is a lady like this still single????      Awwww shit, this b*** must be crazy."

  (Exit Stage Right, then Run)

It's obvious that women wonder the same about single men in their 30's. Because they start asking shit like,
"Sooooo, you're not married?   You don't have any kids?????"   Then they start trying to indirectly find out if you're gay and if you subscribe to Cosmo magazine and shop at Banana Republic or Baby Gap.

But really, it is only natural to wonder if something is wrong with them isn't it?
We have all been taught that if something seems too good to be true,,,,,  It probably is.

Statistically, the odds of finding someone in their 30's who is single, childless, no baggage from a previous marriage, and isn't crazy, controlling, abusive, or unemployed.........is slim to none.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense to be skeptical of someone you meet who is still single.

I asked a few of my friends why they never settled down, and they said that either someone broke their heart or it was too many fish in the sea and that everyone they knew who did settle down, regretted it.


[Friend:] "Of all the people you know who are married, how many of them are either miserable, depressed, going through a divorce or re-married?"

[Me: ]"A lot of them"

[Friend:] "Same here. So after seeing this trend among those around me, how much sense does it make for me to go out and make the same mistake that they made?"

[Me:] "Not much sense, if you put it like that. But you can't predict your future happiness based on other people's situations."

[Friend:] "True"

[Me:] "So you mean to tell me that you are never going to get married?"

[Friend:] "Naw, I'm not saying that. In fact, I think I am ready to settle down.....If I can find the right one. I think I have lived the single life long enough to say that I FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT." (lol)
"It's just harder to find a good, AVAILABLE one after 30 (that aint crazy as a Honey Badger on crack)"

I wondered why I used to see these 8+ star chicks with these 4+ star dudes. But now I know.
The closer you get to 30, the lower your standards get, because those 10+ star people have already been scooped and scored with.

So if you sit around waiting on your 10 star prize catch.......

Jesus might return before that happens and take you to a place where there are noting but 10 Stars, but I doubt there will be much bumping and grinding there. So whats the point of having a 10 star chick there?????? 5+ chicks usually hold better conversations anyway, and that's about the only thing ya'll will be holding up there right?????

GTP-2's

Sorry

When I awoke this morning, I was bursting with great ideas and topics to write about. The fuel that ignites the fires of my blogs is emotion (or give-a-shitness) and without it, I just am not motivated.
So anyway, filled with all of these ideas and motivation to change the world through my words....I got in my car......cranked it up.....and proceeded to drive in to work.

I can't stand that long ass drive to work every morning, because I have to go through Olive Branch where they have 7 tatering traffic lights (that are always red for ME) within a 1.5 mile area (Hwy 305 between Church rd. and Goodman rd.).
It Sucks chocolate covered balls.

Then,  Church Rd., which is built wide open.....perfect for speeding has a flipping 45mph speed limit.......Whats worse, is that people actually obey it.
Which means that they drive side by side alllllllllll the way to I-55 and won't move the hell out of my way. (insert Super-Mad Face.....with steam coming out of the ears)

So needless to say,
by the time I finally got to my blog notebook that I left on my desk yesterday, all my great writing ideas were replaced with evil thoughts of malice and road rage (disclaimer: "I am just kidding".........everyone knows that malice and road rage are NOT evil thoughts....they're natural as rain)

So sorry, no blog today.

.....or .....wait a minute.
I think I just blogged about not having a blog.
Cool beans.

So sorry about not having a GOOD blog today.
I hope your day started better than mine.

The Crazy Honey Badger....My New Idol

So these crazy people in the dispatch center, down in the Mississippi region of the Tri-State area, thought that they would brighten up my day by introducing me to this video about the Crazy Honey Badger.

At first, I was honestly like "WTF".  Who wants to watch this stupid ass shit?

But about 1.5 minutes into the video, I was hooked.

I mean, I've never even heard of a Taterin Honey Badger, and here, I'm seeing this amazing creature do these awesome acts of boldness, bravery, and pure "not given a shitness".

I'm afraid of 3 things in this world.......

1. Killer Bees

2. Snakes

&

3. Rejection

1. The Honey Badger, single handedly devoured an entire bee hive and endured sting, after sting, after sting, without so much as a flinch. Now that's a bad mother fucker tater.

2. The Honey Badger, single handedly fought the most deadly snake known to man, and not only did he survive its poison.....he took a nap, woke up, and ate that bitch.  Now that's a bad mother fucker tater.

3. The Honey Badger, is rejected everywhere he goes, simply because he's a super bad ass.......but does the badger go curl up in a corner and cry like some bitch?????      Hell No, the Honey Badger goes in there and takes what he wants.

I wish I could be more like the Honey Badger. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to go on Craigelist right now and see what's the going price for one.

I bet they make great pets.

And you thought walking in the park with your cute Sissy dog, was a good way to get attention.....

And you thought walking in the park with your Pit-Bull, was a good way to show who's the boss.....

Well I'm coming through that bitch with my Mother Fuckin (tater wouldn't do him justice) Crazy Honey Badger named Deebo and

We shuttin the whole park DOWN!!!!!!

So thank you to all my buddies in the dispatch center, down in the Mississippi region of the Tri-State area, South of the Haven, West of the Branch, and Southeast of the Lake, who have tried their best to make me smile. I am definitely smiling with my new buddy, Deebo Da Badger.

GTP-OTB 2's

Passive Observer

In most states (if not all), you are liable to be sued if you stand by and simply watch as someone slowly dies a painful and torturous death. Ironically, if you help them and hurt them in the process of saving their life, you are also liable to be sued.
I guess you're damned if you do......and you're damned if you don't. The best solution is to look around and find out how many other people are in the vicinity and then run like hell.

So my question today is weather it is wrong or right to stand by and watch a friend slowly die emotionally and spiritually? 


Initially, I was like "Of course it is wrong to stand by and watch", but after careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that you should stand there and watch them suffer.

As a friend, standing by and doing nothing might be the hardest thing you will have to do, but as a friend you MUST.
If that person on the floor fails to come to the realization on their own, that they must choose to stop dying, then they will never recover.
If you, as a friend, have to save them, then they will forever be dependent on you to always save them. They will be crippled for life, and you would have done them a great disservice.

The hardest thing that I have ever done, has been sitting by and watching my best friend die a slow and painful death. I could almost feel the same agony that he felt by watching him go through it.
He described the pain as "a root canal to the heart, without any sedation or medication".

I don't know about you, but a root canal WITH medication brought me to tears, when I had it done.

After a while though, I began to feel less sympathy for him and more pity.
Because at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our situations. We can't control other people's actions, but we can control how we respond to it.

I have tried over and over to convince my friend that he has to snap out of it, but he doesn't listen to me. He chooses to be the fool.

So I will stand by, like a good friend and watch him continue to die slowly. I may not always have a shoulder for him to cry on, but I will always have a mop and a bucket to wipe up the blood.

Take One For The Team

After my most recent post, I can't use the phrase "Take one for the team" without giving credit to where it came from. Originally, the phrase was first introduced on the Diamonds of America.....That means baseball fields.
Whenever a team was down to their last out, and needed to get their best batter up to swing, they would ask the poor sap who was batting in front of him to "Take one for the team". This meant that he was suppose to INTENTIONALLY get hit by a 90+ mph, baseball thrown by the pitcher in order to avoid getting another out and  allowing their best player to try and win the game for them.

[Side Note: It must suck to be that guy who the team asked to take the hit.  What does that say about how much(or little) they think of you????]

"Taking one for the team" is sacrifice in it's purest form. Like grade "A" cocaine straight off the Coca Plant in Colombia.......Not that watered down shit you get off the steets.

 It's like jumping in front of a bullet to save a loved one.
How many of your friends would take a bullet for you??????
If your answer is more than one, I think you are giving your friends too much credit and are in for a rude awakening if ya'll ever decide to go to the Mid-South Heritage Classic on one of the years that they start shooting in the stadium again.

The term "taking one for the team" is used less literally now-a-days.
Back in my School Daze, my friends and I always used the term quite frequently.
Every night we went out, at least one person was going to have to "take one for the team".

Women, are like lionesses.....they always hunt in packs.....never alone.

There is usually a ring leader who calls the shots and the rest of the pack, follows her lead.
Some cats in the pack are faster than the others.
Some cats in the pack are stronger than the others.
And some cats in the pack have a better sense of smell to locate the prey.
Everyone has a different strength and when combined as one group, they are amazing.

Just like lionesses, women also have different strengths from the others within their group.
But some also have Weaknesses........Big Weaknesses. Like the commonly known medical condition known as Fugly....... or in laymen's terms ...FUCKIN Taterin UGLY

So when we used to go out, if we saw a group of girls, we would approach them and engage in some friendly conversation. Within 1-2 mins, it would be easy to determine which guy or guys the Hot Chicks liked.
If you were one of the lucky ones, you would spend the rest of the evening trying to win the affection of the Hot Chick.
 If you were not, then by the rules of the "MAN LAW" you were obligated to "take one for the team".

This means that you had to entertain and pretend to be interested in the FUGLY chicks.

Like I said before, women hunt in packs, and if a guy's friends were to leave the "lucky guy(s)" alone with the female group, his chances to score a phone number, date, or the Nah Nah would drop by 77.7% (true fact)
This is why the friends must stay and occupy the ducklings, while their homie goes into mack mood.
Not only do they have to hang around, but they have to actively attempt to make sure the evil step sisters of Snow White are having a good time, because if the ducklings aren't happy, then they will turn into Jealous, Cock-Blocking, Divas, who are "all of a sudden" ready to go home.

"Taking one for the time" can consist of:
-Giving out your fake number
-Getting theirs and not throwing it away while she's looking
-Promising to call them later that evening
-Being seen in public with them
-Taking a walk with them, so your homie can have a little 1-on-1 time
-Promising to come see them the following day
-Pretending to really be listening to their story about how they almost made it on "American Idol"

Yes friends....."Taking one for the team" is the purest form of sacrifice, and only REAL Friends will do it for you.

So in parting I leave you with these questions........Are YOU a REAL friend??? Would you "Take one for the team"??????

Then go out there and Prove it !!!

Who The Hell Died And Made "THEY" King?

You know,

I am one of the most cool, calm, and collected people that you will ever meet. I am rarely pushed to the point of pissedtivity. However, the ironic thing about that, is that I get sooooo frustrated over little things......things that no one else even thinks about.....or realizes....or cares about.
Like I wrote a blog about how I can't stand it when girls say..." And here's my thing"    It's trivial, but shit, It doesn't even make an ounce of since......It's your opinion bitch....not your thing.....guys have things.....you are special because you don't have a thing......If you no longer want to be special, then by all means, go out and get you a thing.


Well today, I am Tatering dying to know, just who in the hell is "THEY" and who in the hell made them King?

See, ......Right now, you are asking yourself the exact same question that I asked myself yesterday, which lead to this blog.
You're asking "Who is THEY"?

My question exactly. No matter how many people I ask, not a single damn one of them can tell me the answer.
And yet.......They all use "THEY" as a reference to validate whatever the Fuck (whoops, working on my potty mouth) Tater comes out of their mouths.

Let me give you some examples to help you, better understand what I mean about "THEY" and the potential consequences:

A. 

 So you and couple of buddies are hanging out at happy hour, talking about your shitty jobs, and your boring lives, when you order a Red Bull & Vodka. There is always a Pooper at every party, and the Pooper makes the comment
" You know..... "THEY" say that Red Bull & Vodka is not good for you".
(Pause..... Quiet before the storm)

Really Bitch Nice Human Being?????? Well who in the hell is "THEY"?
......You don't know?  Well before you start quoting shit, you need to know who the author is.
Cause see, Ryan say's that Red Bull & Vodka is the shit, and you know who he is?????    He's the bartender, and there ain't no expert in the world that knows more about liquor than the Bartender.
That cheap-ass, bottom shelf margarita in YO cup, is made with tequila that's "2 table spoons of water" away from being rubbing alcohol.
Don't get me started on what's not good for you.
So you can go and tell "THEY" that I said go Tater himself and the horse he rode in on.
........Hey Ryan, can I have another RBV please.......2-4-1 makes me HAPPY.




B. 

So Jack and Meehoff are co-workers chilling in the break room, having lunch. Jack starts talking about how he  would make a good boss and about how unfit of a manager Mr. Cummings is because of his poor judgments and affair with the cafeteria lady Ms. Puddings. Meehoff points out to Jack, that he(Jack) made terrible decisions as well, like the time he called in sick and got so drunk that he bought drinks at a strip club with the company credit card
.....Not to mention the affair he was having with Mr. Cummings' wife.

Then Meehoff hits Jack with ......You know, "THEY" say that  "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" ..


Who the hell is "THEY" asshole? and who the hell are you to judge me Tater face?  
I don't live in no stinking glass house.....and what's that's suppose to mean anyway. Nobody lives in a glass house. 
And if you say one word to Mr. Cummings, I'm gonna kick the shit out of you and "THEY"....whoever the Tater that is.

Now, you see what I mean? Those are just some examples of how people try to say smart things based on smart research, but the problem is, no one knows exactly where it comes from. They just heard someone else say it.....and took it as truth, without doing their own research.

That's like people who go to church and listen to what the preacher says and never questions it or read the scripture for themselves. The difference between a congregation and a cult is self research. LAZY.
 That is the part that pisses me off. So consider this another GTP PSA:

 "If you are going to use an idiom, cliche', or words of wisdom....Know where it comes, who said it, and what it means,   Or simply say what the TATER you mean, and stop trying to be so damn cute."

Don't You Just Hate It When......?

I absolutely, positively, can not stand when people do the following things.

 When people see that you enjoying your Hamburger (or other food that doesn't require utensils), and they walk up to you and try to shake your hand.


When you are in an elevator and there's a mother Tater on there who sounds like a broken radiator every time they breath. I hate that shit. Not only is that annoying, but it makes me hold my breath till one of us gets off, because I don't want to breath in anything that came out of those lungs.


When Mother Taters drive side by side on the highway with their cruise control set to the speed limit........Dammit, if your are going the same speed, then get behind him and get the fuck tater out my way.


When people greet you with "Watcha doing bub".??????   Is that a tatering question? Do you really care? Are you really wanting to know?
And what really sucks about that is when one of your superiors use it. Then you really don't know if he's wanting to know what you're working on or just saying hello.

You really didn't think I was going to put a Pic up....did you?

When people tell you BOLD FACE LIES. I mean the kind where they flat out know that they are lying and know that you are going to find out. This could be personal, business, or even strangers trying to sell you something. I hate BOLD FACE LIES.



When you pull up to the drive through at the bank and have to decide which line to get in? There are the same number of cars in each line and you want to pick the fastest one. So you stay back for a little bit and try to see which one is going to leave first........then someone else gets behind you and forces you to chose one.
And you always chose the one that takes the longest. Sitting there, still in line looking stupid while the guy who was behind you is getting his money and leaving.


When someone backs out of an obligation they had with you, and give you an excuse soooooooo lame, that it questions how low they thought your intelligence level was. I mean that shit makes you feel really bad. Not the backing out part...... but that they thought you were stupid enough to believe the excuse.


When you go to a fast food restaurant and the person taking your order acts like they have someplace better to be. Like you are inconveniencing their super important text conversation about how "Nikki dun quit KFC cause dey won't let her wear her orange extensions....So she finna go to Wendy's.......I told her.....fuck dem folks....dane talkin bout shit an way (2 snaps)"


When you make the mistake of commenting on someones Facebook post, and get 50million updates each time someone else (who you don't even know) makes comments to the same post.......UUUGGHH


When Detective White goes to McDonalds and orders a 1/3 pound super-size Angus Burger Combo w/ Fries......Chicken selects,.......2 apple pies......AND a  Fucking  Tatering   DIET COKE.
Come on Man.....Really??