In this lazy age of shortcuts in life and speech, innovations like OMG, LOL, LMFAO, ect. have completely swept the world by storm. What initially began as a practical way to save money on high texting fees in the past, is now a fad. But this blog is not about trendy acronyms.
I merely had to establish the fact that there are tons of them out there to choose from.
Out of the billions of "I can not believe what just happened" acronyms, there isn't a single one that can accurately describe what I felt when I saw, what I saw.
So I was in JC Penny's recently, trying to find some bedding items and I wanted to get my wifes' opinion on which one she liked. She was still at work so I had to take a bunch of pictures with my camera phone and SMS message them to her. After taking the pics, it took me a long time to attach the photos and send them to her. Therefore, I was standing in 1 spot for almost 5 minutes without moving.
Well I don't know if this old white lady didn't see me or if she thought I was a f*cking mannequin, but she walks by the aisle that I was posted and stopped in the middle of the row and begins to look around.
After thinking that the coast was clear, she began to rip off a brigade of farts. I mean the shit was ridiculous. It felt like thunder was cracking outside. The back of her dress came out about 2 inches from the velocity and force of deadly fume bombs. What the f*ck did she eat for lunch,.... a beandip casserole burrito??? I was so shocked that I couldn't even laugh.
When she was done, she just walked off like nothing even happened.
I just stood there and tried to determine if I had just witnessed a drive-by shooting or if I was day dreaming.
When the funk of the fart hit my nose, I knew I wasn't imaging things.Instantly, I was transported back in time to June 25 2010, when I busted my first methlab. Ganny must have eaten a Methburger from MethDonalds for lunch.
+ 
So anyway, shortly after Granny StankyBooty sprays me, these two fat chicks walk by. They run into the lethal funk cloud and look like they just ran into a brick wall of "DAMN". When they looked around, all they saw was my stupid ass still standing there sending Pic Messages with a dumb look on my face.
The shook their heads at me and sped off. What could I say????? "I didn't do it.....honest. It was the old lady"
So I just stood there wishing that there was someone who could vouch for me.
Damn you Ganny StankyBooty.......Damn you.
But let this be a warning to all of you out there,...Before you decide to rip one on the down low, make sure you look both ways and unlike granny, look behind you.
SOMEBODY'S ALWAYS LOOKING
P.S. If you should find yourself as a witness to someone ripping off one, don't just stand there like an idiot...........Run !!!!!
Unless your name is Michael White and you embrace the opportunity of claiming a 9.9 out of 10 deadly ass fart in order to top your personal record 9.5
