The Crazy Honey Badger....My New Idol

So these crazy people in the dispatch center, down in the Mississippi region of the Tri-State area, thought that they would brighten up my day by introducing me to this video about the Crazy Honey Badger.

At first, I was honestly like "WTF".  Who wants to watch this stupid ass shit?

But about 1.5 minutes into the video, I was hooked.

I mean, I've never even heard of a Taterin Honey Badger, and here, I'm seeing this amazing creature do these awesome acts of boldness, bravery, and pure "not given a shitness".

I'm afraid of 3 things in this world.......

1. Killer Bees

2. Snakes

&

3. Rejection

1. The Honey Badger, single handedly devoured an entire bee hive and endured sting, after sting, after sting, without so much as a flinch. Now that's a bad mother fucker tater.

2. The Honey Badger, single handedly fought the most deadly snake known to man, and not only did he survive its poison.....he took a nap, woke up, and ate that bitch.  Now that's a bad mother fucker tater.

3. The Honey Badger, is rejected everywhere he goes, simply because he's a super bad ass.......but does the badger go curl up in a corner and cry like some bitch?????      Hell No, the Honey Badger goes in there and takes what he wants.

I wish I could be more like the Honey Badger. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to go on Craigelist right now and see what's the going price for one.

I bet they make great pets.

And you thought walking in the park with your cute Sissy dog, was a good way to get attention.....

And you thought walking in the park with your Pit-Bull, was a good way to show who's the boss.....

Well I'm coming through that bitch with my Mother Fuckin (tater wouldn't do him justice) Crazy Honey Badger named Deebo and

We shuttin the whole park DOWN!!!!!!

So thank you to all my buddies in the dispatch center, down in the Mississippi region of the Tri-State area, South of the Haven, West of the Branch, and Southeast of the Lake, who have tried their best to make me smile. I am definitely smiling with my new buddy, Deebo Da Badger.

GTP-OTB 2's

Passive Observer

In most states (if not all), you are liable to be sued if you stand by and simply watch as someone slowly dies a painful and torturous death. Ironically, if you help them and hurt them in the process of saving their life, you are also liable to be sued.
I guess you're damned if you do......and you're damned if you don't. The best solution is to look around and find out how many other people are in the vicinity and then run like hell.

So my question today is weather it is wrong or right to stand by and watch a friend slowly die emotionally and spiritually? 


Initially, I was like "Of course it is wrong to stand by and watch", but after careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that you should stand there and watch them suffer.

As a friend, standing by and doing nothing might be the hardest thing you will have to do, but as a friend you MUST.
If that person on the floor fails to come to the realization on their own, that they must choose to stop dying, then they will never recover.
If you, as a friend, have to save them, then they will forever be dependent on you to always save them. They will be crippled for life, and you would have done them a great disservice.

The hardest thing that I have ever done, has been sitting by and watching my best friend die a slow and painful death. I could almost feel the same agony that he felt by watching him go through it.
He described the pain as "a root canal to the heart, without any sedation or medication".

I don't know about you, but a root canal WITH medication brought me to tears, when I had it done.

After a while though, I began to feel less sympathy for him and more pity.
Because at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our situations. We can't control other people's actions, but we can control how we respond to it.

I have tried over and over to convince my friend that he has to snap out of it, but he doesn't listen to me. He chooses to be the fool.

So I will stand by, like a good friend and watch him continue to die slowly. I may not always have a shoulder for him to cry on, but I will always have a mop and a bucket to wipe up the blood.

Take One For The Team

After my most recent post, I can't use the phrase "Take one for the team" without giving credit to where it came from. Originally, the phrase was first introduced on the Diamonds of America.....That means baseball fields.
Whenever a team was down to their last out, and needed to get their best batter up to swing, they would ask the poor sap who was batting in front of him to "Take one for the team". This meant that he was suppose to INTENTIONALLY get hit by a 90+ mph, baseball thrown by the pitcher in order to avoid getting another out and  allowing their best player to try and win the game for them.

[Side Note: It must suck to be that guy who the team asked to take the hit.  What does that say about how much(or little) they think of you????]

"Taking one for the team" is sacrifice in it's purest form. Like grade "A" cocaine straight off the Coca Plant in Colombia.......Not that watered down shit you get off the steets.

 It's like jumping in front of a bullet to save a loved one.
How many of your friends would take a bullet for you??????
If your answer is more than one, I think you are giving your friends too much credit and are in for a rude awakening if ya'll ever decide to go to the Mid-South Heritage Classic on one of the years that they start shooting in the stadium again.

The term "taking one for the team" is used less literally now-a-days.
Back in my School Daze, my friends and I always used the term quite frequently.
Every night we went out, at least one person was going to have to "take one for the team".

Women, are like lionesses.....they always hunt in packs.....never alone.

There is usually a ring leader who calls the shots and the rest of the pack, follows her lead.
Some cats in the pack are faster than the others.
Some cats in the pack are stronger than the others.
And some cats in the pack have a better sense of smell to locate the prey.
Everyone has a different strength and when combined as one group, they are amazing.

Just like lionesses, women also have different strengths from the others within their group.
But some also have Weaknesses........Big Weaknesses. Like the commonly known medical condition known as Fugly....... or in laymen's terms ...FUCKIN Taterin UGLY

So when we used to go out, if we saw a group of girls, we would approach them and engage in some friendly conversation. Within 1-2 mins, it would be easy to determine which guy or guys the Hot Chicks liked.
If you were one of the lucky ones, you would spend the rest of the evening trying to win the affection of the Hot Chick.
 If you were not, then by the rules of the "MAN LAW" you were obligated to "take one for the team".

This means that you had to entertain and pretend to be interested in the FUGLY chicks.

Like I said before, women hunt in packs, and if a guy's friends were to leave the "lucky guy(s)" alone with the female group, his chances to score a phone number, date, or the Nah Nah would drop by 77.7% (true fact)
This is why the friends must stay and occupy the ducklings, while their homie goes into mack mood.
Not only do they have to hang around, but they have to actively attempt to make sure the evil step sisters of Snow White are having a good time, because if the ducklings aren't happy, then they will turn into Jealous, Cock-Blocking, Divas, who are "all of a sudden" ready to go home.

"Taking one for the time" can consist of:
-Giving out your fake number
-Getting theirs and not throwing it away while she's looking
-Promising to call them later that evening
-Being seen in public with them
-Taking a walk with them, so your homie can have a little 1-on-1 time
-Promising to come see them the following day
-Pretending to really be listening to their story about how they almost made it on "American Idol"

Yes friends....."Taking one for the team" is the purest form of sacrifice, and only REAL Friends will do it for you.

So in parting I leave you with these questions........Are YOU a REAL friend??? Would you "Take one for the team"??????

Then go out there and Prove it !!!

Who The Hell Died And Made "THEY" King?

You know,

I am one of the most cool, calm, and collected people that you will ever meet. I am rarely pushed to the point of pissedtivity. However, the ironic thing about that, is that I get sooooo frustrated over little things......things that no one else even thinks about.....or realizes....or cares about.
Like I wrote a blog about how I can't stand it when girls say..." And here's my thing"    It's trivial, but shit, It doesn't even make an ounce of since......It's your opinion bitch....not your thing.....guys have things.....you are special because you don't have a thing......If you no longer want to be special, then by all means, go out and get you a thing.


Well today, I am Tatering dying to know, just who in the hell is "THEY" and who in the hell made them King?

See, ......Right now, you are asking yourself the exact same question that I asked myself yesterday, which lead to this blog.
You're asking "Who is THEY"?

My question exactly. No matter how many people I ask, not a single damn one of them can tell me the answer.
And yet.......They all use "THEY" as a reference to validate whatever the Fuck (whoops, working on my potty mouth) Tater comes out of their mouths.

Let me give you some examples to help you, better understand what I mean about "THEY" and the potential consequences:

A. 

 So you and couple of buddies are hanging out at happy hour, talking about your shitty jobs, and your boring lives, when you order a Red Bull & Vodka. There is always a Pooper at every party, and the Pooper makes the comment
" You know..... "THEY" say that Red Bull & Vodka is not good for you".
(Pause..... Quiet before the storm)

Really Bitch Nice Human Being?????? Well who in the hell is "THEY"?
......You don't know?  Well before you start quoting shit, you need to know who the author is.
Cause see, Ryan say's that Red Bull & Vodka is the shit, and you know who he is?????    He's the bartender, and there ain't no expert in the world that knows more about liquor than the Bartender.
That cheap-ass, bottom shelf margarita in YO cup, is made with tequila that's "2 table spoons of water" away from being rubbing alcohol.
Don't get me started on what's not good for you.
So you can go and tell "THEY" that I said go Tater himself and the horse he rode in on.
........Hey Ryan, can I have another RBV please.......2-4-1 makes me HAPPY.




B. 

So Jack and Meehoff are co-workers chilling in the break room, having lunch. Jack starts talking about how he  would make a good boss and about how unfit of a manager Mr. Cummings is because of his poor judgments and affair with the cafeteria lady Ms. Puddings. Meehoff points out to Jack, that he(Jack) made terrible decisions as well, like the time he called in sick and got so drunk that he bought drinks at a strip club with the company credit card
.....Not to mention the affair he was having with Mr. Cummings' wife.

Then Meehoff hits Jack with ......You know, "THEY" say that  "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" ..


Who the hell is "THEY" asshole? and who the hell are you to judge me Tater face?  
I don't live in no stinking glass house.....and what's that's suppose to mean anyway. Nobody lives in a glass house. 
And if you say one word to Mr. Cummings, I'm gonna kick the shit out of you and "THEY"....whoever the Tater that is.

Now, you see what I mean? Those are just some examples of how people try to say smart things based on smart research, but the problem is, no one knows exactly where it comes from. They just heard someone else say it.....and took it as truth, without doing their own research.

That's like people who go to church and listen to what the preacher says and never questions it or read the scripture for themselves. The difference between a congregation and a cult is self research. LAZY.
 That is the part that pisses me off. So consider this another GTP PSA:

 "If you are going to use an idiom, cliche', or words of wisdom....Know where it comes, who said it, and what it means,   Or simply say what the TATER you mean, and stop trying to be so damn cute."

Don't You Just Hate It When......?

I absolutely, positively, can not stand when people do the following things.

 When people see that you enjoying your Hamburger (or other food that doesn't require utensils), and they walk up to you and try to shake your hand.


When you are in an elevator and there's a mother Tater on there who sounds like a broken radiator every time they breath. I hate that shit. Not only is that annoying, but it makes me hold my breath till one of us gets off, because I don't want to breath in anything that came out of those lungs.


When Mother Taters drive side by side on the highway with their cruise control set to the speed limit........Dammit, if your are going the same speed, then get behind him and get the fuck tater out my way.


When people greet you with "Watcha doing bub".??????   Is that a tatering question? Do you really care? Are you really wanting to know?
And what really sucks about that is when one of your superiors use it. Then you really don't know if he's wanting to know what you're working on or just saying hello.

You really didn't think I was going to put a Pic up....did you?

When people tell you BOLD FACE LIES. I mean the kind where they flat out know that they are lying and know that you are going to find out. This could be personal, business, or even strangers trying to sell you something. I hate BOLD FACE LIES.



When you pull up to the drive through at the bank and have to decide which line to get in? There are the same number of cars in each line and you want to pick the fastest one. So you stay back for a little bit and try to see which one is going to leave first........then someone else gets behind you and forces you to chose one.
And you always chose the one that takes the longest. Sitting there, still in line looking stupid while the guy who was behind you is getting his money and leaving.


When someone backs out of an obligation they had with you, and give you an excuse soooooooo lame, that it questions how low they thought your intelligence level was. I mean that shit makes you feel really bad. Not the backing out part...... but that they thought you were stupid enough to believe the excuse.


When you go to a fast food restaurant and the person taking your order acts like they have someplace better to be. Like you are inconveniencing their super important text conversation about how "Nikki dun quit KFC cause dey won't let her wear her orange extensions....So she finna go to Wendy's.......I told her.....fuck dem folks....dane talkin bout shit an way (2 snaps)"


When you make the mistake of commenting on someones Facebook post, and get 50million updates each time someone else (who you don't even know) makes comments to the same post.......UUUGGHH


When Detective White goes to McDonalds and orders a 1/3 pound super-size Angus Burger Combo w/ Fries......Chicken selects,.......2 apple pies......AND a  Fucking  Tatering   DIET COKE.
Come on Man.....Really??

Hall Pass

Once again, AJR Productions comes up with another one.

After seeing the recently released movie HALL PASS, they wanted to know if most men would actually take their wives up on the offer, and if they would actually get any play.

First off, in case you don't know what a Hall Pass is, it's an opportunity that is given to a spouse to go out and do whatever they want to do without any penalty, within a certain time span. That means he/she can have a weekend or entire week to go out and party, drink, fuck tater, and do absolutely whatever with whomever they want without any punishment or guilt.

ANOTHER NIGHT ON THE COUCH

So to the first question: would most guys take their wives up on the offer?

Let me think about that.................ummmmmmmmmmmm

....................still thinking..............................Processing .......................considering consequences of my response..............................

drinking a beer......................... now another beer...........................

Hell The Fuck Tater Yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now as to the second question: Would he actually get some play?...........Don't need to go through a ritual for this answer. Hell The Fuck Tater Naw!!!!!!! (Unless he has been cheating throughout the relationship and has a chick on the side)

When a guy gets married (really married, committed), he turns into a totally different type of person. It's like having kids (at least for the real men and fathers out there ((aint that many of them left))).

 One minute,

 you"re rolling down I-55 at 80 miles per hour, drinking a totty, bumbin some 3-6 mafia...talkin bout "whup dat trick" and "suk a nicka dick or something....eat a lil Kat or something"

And the next minute,

you're safely cruising on the back roads, with your kids strapped to a car seat, playing a DVD with a Fucked Tatered up looking cartoon character on the screen, and you are singing songs from "Yo Gabba Gabba" (if you don't know what that is...then have you some kids)

When a man gets married, he loses everything he had that made him cool.

Women do it on purpose....don't lie.

You remember when you first met him? .....How cool that mother fucker tater was?

How nicely he dressed, and the way he let you know that it was time for some "lovin" (wink wink)?

Well look at his ass now.

After years of you telling him that his outfit didn't match, or it looked tacky, because YOU didn't want other chicks scoping out ya man,

He looks like Fred Sanford.

He aint cool no more!!!!!! 

And talk about picking up a girl????   His pick up lines are more outdated than Jerry Curl Juice, dripping on the back of a Pimp with a Mink Coat on.

Think about how he lets you know that it's time for some "lovin" now............Not so sexy huh?

When married men go out into the world, they get their head blown up sooooo big, because there are all these women out there looking for a husband and not enough men to meet the high demand. Therefore, men start to imagine how much ass they could be getting if they weren't married (mostly because they ain't gettin that much at the house....hint, hint).

The truth is, when a single woman sees a man with a ring on, it lets her know that he isn't a complete dead beat. Someone (you) has already validated him. Therefore he must be a good one.

If you give your man a Hall Pass, he takes the ring off and is no longer validated. He becomes just another guy trying to get the Nah Nah.

When that happens, he will be judged by his looks, charm, sexiness, and coolness....you know, the same standards as the rest of the guys out there.

But as we have discussed earlier.....(hello!!!!)He doesn't have any of those things anymore (thanks to your perfectly designed tactics.....bravo ladies.....bravo)

Imagine if you are a single lady....and Fred Sanford walks up to you and says...."Damn baby, I know yo feet must be tired......cause you been running through my mind all day".

I rest my case.

So to all the ladies out there, If your man wants a Hall Pass and he hasn't been cheating on you the entire relationship....Give it to him.

You will be happy you did.

1. He won't get any

2. He will come running back sooner than you think

3. He will realize how lucky he is that YOU are with his lame ass

4. He won't be asking for any more Hall Passes

5. He will probably realize how easy it is for women to get men and never give you a Hall Pass

Never mind #5, I guess that probably isn't a good thing for you huh?

Men are primitive creatures, and like a good dog.....they always come back home.

Train him right......Feed him good...... and you will never have anything to worry about.

The best leash is the one that you can't see.