Don't Forget To Tip Your Waiter

 VS.  

Many of my friends are very ...........ummmm, let's just say Conservative, when it comes to tipping people for their services.

A common excuse is that "it's their job and they are already charging me for what I ordered......why should I give them extra money for doing what they are already being paid to do?"

Tips are exactly what they are supposed to be........EXTRA.

There is nothing more humble and honorable than to serve another person. It's all through the bible and our history.....of course some service wasn't so voluntary.

By leaving a tip, you will make a small or large impact in someones day.

Although I am a proponent of leaving good tips for good service, I know a special person who tips big no matter how good or bad the service is.

Apparently, they believe that when someone gives you bad service, it is because they have stereotyped you as not a good tipper, or they are having a terrible day. Either way, when you leave a bad server a good tip, it can alter their previous assumptions about you or completely turn their terrible day into a brighter one.

As I read on someones Facebook page the other day...."Karma is a bitch....just get out of the way and let her do her job".

When you release good into the universe.......Good will be returned to you.

So next time you are served by another, try to leave a nice tip.........besides "Your Onion Rings Suck" (Micheal White).

The Final Test

Throughout my life, I have learned that I have been able to notice many apparently insignificant things that others around me don't notice.
Ever since I was a small boy, I always found it strange to see birds fly in front of a speeding cars.
I wonder if you ever noticed it or not.

I would see a group of birds lined up on one of the electrical lines at the top of the phone poles.
It would be like 10 of them, just sitting up there......waiting for something.

And then when ever a car would drive by, one of them would dive towards the ground and then quickly swoop across the street, in front of the car.
At first, it didn't make since to me, but after years of watching them, I found out what they were doing.

It was a rite of passage and a way to prove who was the dominant bird in the flock.
For hours as a kid, I would watch them swoop in front of the cars trying to get as close to them as possible without getting hit.
The birds on the sidelines would chirp every time one of their brothers made it safely across.
It appeared that the birds going across the street were smaller than the birds, observing. Which lead me to believe that the dare-devils were younger, and probably trying to earn their acceptance into the flock as a grown-ass-man Bird.
This was their Final Test.

Just as with all tests in life, everyone does not always pass.
I have witnessed a number of occasions where a bird did not pass the test.
I must say........It was the funniest shit that I have ever seen.

This one time, a bird was trying to cross in front of an SUV.
I guess he mistimed it, because he was about a half second too late.
He started off like the rest of them did.....He had good form coming off the phone line. His wings were good and straight. His beak was pointed upward, ready to swoop upward.
But I guess, he held his "diving eagle" pose for a little to long, because by the time he reached the middle of the road, the truck was already there.

The damn bird went head-first into the driver side door, and all you could hear was a loud ass "THUMP".
I couldn't believe what I just saw.
I was dying laughing. I was hysterical. Like when one of those "cool kids" at school tried to show off in front of the girls and completely Busted his ass on the ground.......Yeah.. funny.

The lady slammed on the breaks and got out the car to see WTF just happened.
She looked at me like I threw a Tatering rock at her car or something cause I was laughing soooo hard.
She yelled at me "hey kid, what do you think you're doing?????"
I replied "I ain't doing shit.....But you might want to talk to that dead bird over there though"

She ran over and saw the dead bird with the broken neck and she began to cry.

Can you believe that she had a roadside funeral for that damn thing and buried it?
Well, maybe I should have told her to bury it underground, and not just cover it up........because minutes after she drove off, a cat came and ate the bird.

Needless to say........He did not pass THE FINAL TEST

Winning

Have you ever noticed how it seems that the same people keep winning? Except for Charlie Sheen of course. Whether it's sports, competitions, games, or even life,......it just feels like it's always the same people or teams that are left standing when the smoke clears.

The other day, I had an epiphany (No Micheal W., that doesn't mean a bowel movement).

I was playing a video game with DJ Violator, and for the first time, I was losing against him with only minutes left to go in the game.
He was so excited and sure that he was going to finally defeat me, but he had never been in the lead before.

There is a certain kind of pressure that falls on a person when they are at the top, and everyone is trying to knock them off.
If you have never been at the top before, then the pressure will crush you and you will completely fall apart.

I calmly said to DJ........"I have been here a thousand times, and you won't beat me".
As hard as he tried to seem calm, he couldn't compose himself, and sure enough........He crumbled under the pressure.

I prevailed........(as usual)

The epiphany that I had was that people who are used to being on top and enduring the pressures that comes along with it.......will always rise above the rest.....Like foam cream on a Cafe' Latte'.
It is they, which are the majority, who aren't used to being on top, who don't have what it takes to be a winner.
Until they have tasted the blood of victory, and have repeatedly slain all who would dare challenge them, losers will never be winners.

Look at all the great champs of the past.
They weren't always ahead in points, matches, or the race.
But they always remained calm and found a way to win........It was all they knew.
Losing was never an option.

Losers think that every battle has 2 possible outcomes.......While winners know that there is only 1.......
WINNING

  Awwwww....My bad. I meant to put up a champions Picture......

That's More Like It.

Phone In The Water

So this weekend was a very........huh......Well, I guess I don't know.
Eye opening.....That's it.  
This weekend was an eye opening weekend.
It's funny how seemingly unrelated incidents can shine a light on that, which was previously unseen.
My point being this:
On Saturday morning, I went to go unlock the pool at the complex where I reside. I usually don't do it on Saturday's because the office or staff are working that day and they normally open it. But, I was up early and felt like getting outside.
After I opened the first gate, I heard my phone ring.......**Ring Ring** (actually, my ringtone was a super loud Metallica Song)
So of course I reach in my pocket to answer the phone.
As I was pulling my phone out, while I was walking, it slipped out of my hand and began to fall toward the ground.
I know that you all have experienced the weird sensation of time slowing down and you can see what is about to happen right before it does........
Well this was definitely one of those times.
I saw my phone fall to the ground and begin to bounce towards the damn pool.
I reached out to catch it before it took a bath, but I was too late. All I could do was watch helplessly as the phone splashed into the pool.

I stood there screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" like I was being held captive by some thugs, while the leader of the gang was dragging my woman off to sell her for a case of cigarettes.

Then before I could even stop myself, I was diving, head first into the pool to try and rescue my beloved phone.
****NOTE TO SELF:  DON'T JUMP INTO POOL WITH ALL OF YOUR SHOES AND CLOTHES ON......TERRIBLE IDEA****

Initially, I was just trying to feel through the water with my eyes clothes, but I couldn't find it and time was against me.....I knew the longer the phone was in the water, the less likely it possible to save it.
So I opened my eyes and saw a black object lying lifelessly at the bottom of the pool.
I grabbed it and made a desperate dash to the surface, which was 6ft above me.

Once we were safely back on dry land, I removed the battery from the phone and laid it out in the sun to dry along with the phone itself..........It wasn't looking good her.   I had seen that sight before a dozen times........Although I didn't speak the words at the time, I knew she wasn't going to make it.
So, as I am sitting there, Completely drenched, shoes and all,........... I was trying to determine what hurt the most.
1. Being this close to losing the second most important thing in my life
or
2. That fact that I actually opened my eyes in THAT pool. I swore to my self that I would never do that. I can only imagine what has gone on in that pool after hours.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

After 24hrs of drying out, I inserted the battery back into the phone and with a prayer, I pressed the "ON" button.
On June 19, 2011 at 0930hrs........My beautiful Nokia was pronounced dead at the scene. She was gone forever.

At that moment, I realized that I had lost every single phone number, email, and contact info that was in that phone.
I was so dependent on that phone and technology, that I never learned or wrote down anybody's number. I can't even tell you my dad or mom's phone numbers.
I was crippled. I was weak, and there was nothing that I could do, because I gave everything to that phone and made myself vulnerable to it.
Nokia broke my heart. She left me alone in a cold world with no one to call out to.

Luckily, I didn't need Nokia to call God.
I went to church that morning and spoke to God about a number of issues, not including Nokia.
Although, it was a very one-sided conversion, I was able to see that Nokia was a representation of life. I was able to understand that a person can not depend something or someone to always be there for them.
I should have written down those numbers........
I should have memorized the important ones......
and  I should have never allowed myself to become a slave to Nokia.

The same can be said about life.
In the complex formulas and equations of life, the variables are always changing. The only constant is YOU. Depend and invest in that, which will always be there..................................Yourself.

That's all you came with.......That's all you are going to take with you.

So there, you have it.
Who would have ever guessed that a life lesson would be learned from "A PHONE IN THE WATER"

Happy Father's Day

Today, I am especially privileged to honor my father, on this special day reserved for father's.
Not baby daddy's, sperm donors, part-time pappy's, or P.O. Box Christmas Gift donors.
But REAL FATHER'S.

Dad,
Not only did you do a spectacular job raising a young boy into a strong, successful, black man,....But you managed to do it 3 times over. We are a reflection of you and your efforts, and I think you look pretty damn good.

I wanted to take this opportunity to re-tale you a story about one of the many times throughout my life that you taught me what being a man was all about. Although, I didn't understand it at the time, I eventually did, and will never forget the lessons of that experience.

The year was 1989. We were enrolled  at Garden View elementary school in Whitehaven, by the airport. We only had 2 friends in the world at that time outside of our family.....they were James and Jermaine. James was 2 1/2 years older than me and Jermaine was about my age.
Every day, me and my brothers ran home from school because, the other kids tried to jump us because we were African.
On one particular day, the bullies surrounded us while we were walking home with James and Jermaine.
The bullies began to make fun of James for hanging around us and being our friend.
So James got mad and denied being our friend.
So the bullies said that if James wasn't friends with us, he should prove it by fighting my older brother.
James turned to my brother and pushed him.
I jumped in between them and told James to leave my brother alone.
****Bam****
He hit me in the stomach and knocked me to the ground.
I knelt down on my knees and began to cry.
James felt bad about what he did, so he came over to see if I was ok.
When he put his hand on my shoulder,......I came off the ground like Mohammad Ali and punched him in the gut with everything that I had.
He hit the ground and me and my brothers took off running.........All the way to the house.

My heart was racing 100mph and I was scared as hell. I had never hit anybody before. I always ran away.
But when I got home, I felt safe again.
5 mins later, I heard a beating at the door......I knew it was James, so I went and hid in my room.

Dad, you went to the door and opened it. Sure enough, it was James....Pissed as hell, tears coming down his face, and both fist clinched like he was about to put a beat down on somebody.
Dad, you asked James what he wanted and he asked to see ME.
Just when I knew you were about to send him on his way....you called me downstairs.

You told me that James wanted to see me outside, and I told you that I didn't want to go.
You told me that you loved me, but I needed to go outside.

You pushed me outside, nodded your head at me, and closed the door behind me.

That day, I learned so much from you dad. I thank you for having the strength to put me in harms way in order to learn what being a man is all about.

You taught me, that being a man is not about Fighting.
Being a man is about learning how to use your words and not your fist to win or avoid a battle.

You taught me, that being a man is not about Hiding.
Being a man is about facing your fears and standing your ground.

You taught me, that being a man is not about Running
Being a man is about accepting responsibility and the consequences of your actions.

You taught me, that being a man is not about being Weak
Being a man is about having the strength to allow your baby boy to face adversity and learn to overcome it on his own.

Although I couldn't believe you put me out like that,    I am so glad that you did.
There are a million of stories that I could share with you and the world about how much of an inspiration you have been on my life dad, but this was one of your more subtle lessons......and it stood out the most, because you never said a word to me about it......you made me learn it on my own.

I love you dearly, and hope that you have the only kind of father's day that is as worthy as you
.......THE BEST.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

To: The King of Tiama
From: The Prince of Moyamba

It's Friday, You Ain't Got No Job, And You Ain't Got Shit To Do.....

You can't chose your family right? Blood is blood and God decided that long before you were even an erection.

However, you can chose your friends.

But what happens when you have been friends with someone so long that you are like siblings. You both were raised by both of your parents and spent all of your childhood together.

I know that blood is thicker than water......But if you put enough Kool-aid and sugar in that shit and let it hang around for some years, it can get pretty thick.

I have said all of this to bring up the topic of having friends that you grew up with, who do nothing but smoke weed all day.

Hell, it doesn't have to be weed,.....I know some of you who have friends or relatives that do all sorts of drugs all day. Meth, Pills, Crack, and Coke......Well maybe not Coke, that costs too much to do all day, but the others don't.

How do you handle that relationship?

If it was just an old friend, it would be easy to write them off, because they are doing nothing to progress themselves or their situations. But if they are a friend who is like a brother or sister to you, then it isn't so easy to write them off. They are practically, part of the family.

I have a Friend (brother from another mother) who bounces from job to job, smokes all day, and is always borrowing money for something. He reminds me of Dave Chappelle and Charlie Murphy.

He cracks me up, but damn.........N*** get a job.

What is a grown ass man doing sitting on a couch all day long, watching re-runs of Sanford & Son and the Jamie Fox show??????

I really haven't figured out if I am truly disgusted and outraged at this poor excuse of a human being.....OR if I am jealous and wish I could be over there watching Rachel Ray.

How much fun would it be to get high all day and watch the Food Channel??????

That would be like Aliens abducting you, injecting you with liquid ecstasy, and then dropping you off at the BUNNY RANCH in Las Vegas with $25,000.00 in "free-play" Gift Certificates.(wink,wink)

I called that fool up today, just to check on him. I asked him if he was doing anything today and he replied:

Homie: "Man.....It's Friday......I ain't got no job......and I ain't got shit to do...."

(without referring to the Movie Friday, because this was really his situation)

Then I chime in with:

Me: "oh, let me guess..... You finna get high today????"

Homie: "Dude, ....I'm already high.......I'm finna go swimming today....and then get high again....I'll send you a post card"

Me: "You need to quit getting high all the damn time and go get yo self HIRED"

Then that mother TATER starts singing that Bruno Mar's "Lazy Song"....Today I don't feel like doing anything.........Nothing at all.

.....And I hang up the phone.

I hate that Asshole.

Speaking of being High....This shit is funny as hell.

Hey........Where Did Everybody Go????

Last night I had one of those dreams that was straight out of a movie......But it was real...and absolutely true.

I was posted up, in the middle of "A" lobby (the main building everyone hung out in between class periods. 1 out of about 7, not including, the gyms and portable trailers...... A Huge campus) of THE Germantown High School.

I was at my favorite spot, in between the corner of the hallway and the Trophy case, next to the pay phone. (I know ya'll probably don't remember what a pay phone is now-a-day's).

It was perfect.......I could see all of the girls walk by, and more importantly, ...they could definitely see me.

Back then, we had a special click or group called P.B.U. and we were the first black unsanctioned group to ever grace the campus of Germantown High.

We acted similar to a gang, but we were far from it.

Instead of drugs....we tapped into what our peers really craved all day long........Fucking Sugar.
This was before they allowed vending machines and shit inside the schools except for the teachers lounge, where students were not allowed or welcomed. (I wonder what type of kinky shit teachers did with each other in those sacred lounges???)

So we sold candy. Completely legal, however it was frowned upon by the administration, so we had to take it underground and slang it in the allies and corners of the building to stay out of sight.
So it probably looked like we were selling a different kind of rock candy.....but we weren't.

It was a booming business. We drove all the way out to North Memphis, where we had a whole-sale buyer, who allowed us to buy in bulk without taxes, even though we didn't have a business license. Then we were able to go back to campus and sell them for retail price, which was cheap back then.......like $25 cents.
If it wasn't for our flashy tendencies, trying to impress the ladies, we could have probably paid our way through college........But Nooooooo.   It was all about living for the day, we weren't promised tomorrow.


But I have totally digressed,
Back to the dream.
So anyway, as I was posted up in "A" lobby, surrounded by all of these people I used to know and associate with on a daily basis, I pulled my year book out for everyone to sign.

When the first person came to sign my book, they wrote "Best Wishes, Stay the Same, BFF" (And YES, it was a girl).
Then she walked away and vanished.

The next person wrote "Dogs For Life 1 Love"
Then he walked away and vanished.

This continued to go on until finally, there was only 1 person left. It was me...... Not me, but it was like a twin of myself.
We looked alike (Nice looking fellow), talked alike.....It was like my reflection.
But anyway, He walked up to me and signed my year book also.
He wrote "Everyone else lied to you, but I won't. It was nice knowing you, but we will never meet again."
Then he walked away and vanished.

I felt so alone after that. I ran through all of the 7 buildings in the school looking for anybody, but no one was there.

When I awoke, I just sat in my bed and wondered what happened to everyone I used to know.
What were they doing now? Were they alive?
I couldn't get the words "we will never meet again" out of my head. I hate the word "never"....it's so permanent and I am afraid of commitment (seriously, I really am).

When I went to brush my teeth, I looked in the mirror and remember what I wrote to my self in my yearbook.
Although, I miss the old me, I'm glad that I have changed.
I will never forget the people that I have met along the way, nor do I regret my mistakes. They have all made me who I am, and without them, I would not be ME.

I wonder what other people dream about?
Do you even remember your dreams???? A few years ago, I couldn't remember my dreams at all, but now I can.......Weird.

2's

30ish and Single???? 2 Good 2B True or RED Flag?

I had the opportunity to see some of my old friends from college this past weekend and we got a chance to catch up on life.
I was surprised to learn that more than a few of them were still single. My brother is single, my cousin is single, my uncle is single, my frat brothers are single ......damn, I realized that there are a lot of people who are 30ish and still single.
We sat around and talked about if being single at our age is a rare find and to good to be true, or a RED flag that screams "Run N***, ...Run".

The majority of them wondered if women went through the same thought process that men did when they met a 30ish single person of the opposite sex.

The first thing a man thinks about when he meets a single woman in her 30's is.....
"damn, she fine.....Why is a lady like this still single????      Awwww shit, this b*** must be crazy."

  (Exit Stage Right, then Run)

It's obvious that women wonder the same about single men in their 30's. Because they start asking shit like,
"Sooooo, you're not married?   You don't have any kids?????"   Then they start trying to indirectly find out if you're gay and if you subscribe to Cosmo magazine and shop at Banana Republic or Baby Gap.

But really, it is only natural to wonder if something is wrong with them isn't it?
We have all been taught that if something seems too good to be true,,,,,  It probably is.

Statistically, the odds of finding someone in their 30's who is single, childless, no baggage from a previous marriage, and isn't crazy, controlling, abusive, or unemployed.........is slim to none.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense to be skeptical of someone you meet who is still single.

I asked a few of my friends why they never settled down, and they said that either someone broke their heart or it was too many fish in the sea and that everyone they knew who did settle down, regretted it.


[Friend:] "Of all the people you know who are married, how many of them are either miserable, depressed, going through a divorce or re-married?"

[Me: ]"A lot of them"

[Friend:] "Same here. So after seeing this trend among those around me, how much sense does it make for me to go out and make the same mistake that they made?"

[Me:] "Not much sense, if you put it like that. But you can't predict your future happiness based on other people's situations."

[Friend:] "True"

[Me:] "So you mean to tell me that you are never going to get married?"

[Friend:] "Naw, I'm not saying that. In fact, I think I am ready to settle down.....If I can find the right one. I think I have lived the single life long enough to say that I FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT." (lol)
"It's just harder to find a good, AVAILABLE one after 30 (that aint crazy as a Honey Badger on crack)"

I wondered why I used to see these 8+ star chicks with these 4+ star dudes. But now I know.
The closer you get to 30, the lower your standards get, because those 10+ star people have already been scooped and scored with.

So if you sit around waiting on your 10 star prize catch.......

Jesus might return before that happens and take you to a place where there are noting but 10 Stars, but I doubt there will be much bumping and grinding there. So whats the point of having a 10 star chick there?????? 5+ chicks usually hold better conversations anyway, and that's about the only thing ya'll will be holding up there right?????

GTP-2's